Drenched In Pain

It started with a dream, as most ideas and messages seem to do. I don’t remember the plan or the meaning behind the plan, but I figured out the plan enacted by a village leader, and I spoke up, called her out, told her that I knew, that everyone would know. She was angry and she put a spell on me, in both her rage and her shame and fear. With a flurry of hand motions and a snap of her fingers, she slit my arm open and the spell was inscribed in my skin between the two slits. I stood there in shock, staring, trying to understand. She laughed and said “Yes, I did put your best friend [no one I recognized from waking life] into your body. If you try to get his soul out, he will die. You can’t hide any longer. I’m forcing you to reveal your true self”. [paraphrasing here, but it’s close to what she said, it’s certainly her energy behind it.]

cis woman, drenched in pain
a box too small couldn’t contain the name
two halves to be whole
many masks to come off
the real revealed once was old

I couldn’t remember the spell when I first woke up, but I do remember seeing ‘cis woman’ clearly inscribed on my arm. After that, I meditated on it, and pulled the rest out quickly. I also wasn’t sure what it all meant for awhile. With some time spent with it, here’s what I see.

A woman, with pain around being a woman, she doesn’t want to fit inside a box. She doesn’t want to follow the social norms put in place, that she doesn’t align with. She identifies as a woman but doesn’t want to be part of the norm, a rebel we could say.

There are two halves to everyone, the feminine, and the masculine, that’s why the friend in the dream (no one I can place in my waking life) was added into the spell. You can’t remove the masculine, because you’d be killing off half your soul.

Now, there are many masks, she’s been hiding behind, all the things she’s ‘supposed’ to be, and over time, she drops one mask at a time. As time goes on, the real her is revealed.

‘Once was old’ meaning it’s always been there, and there has always been a part of many women to not follow the norms, it’s not a new concept.

If you’ve heard of twin flames or even the story of how Eve was created, you’ve heard how one soul was divided into two. A man and a woman, but I like to think the dominant feminine side and the dominant masculine side. Whether you believe our souls were divided at the point of creation, meant to wander the world in search of the other or not, you must know that we all have masculine and feminine within each of us. No matter if you are man, woman, or anywhere else on the spectrum between, you have the feminine intuitive side and masculine logical sides.

It’s a theme of bringing two halves together. We all have the masculine and the feminine within us, so in a way, it’s saying we are whole as is, it doesn’t have to be two people coming together as individuals to make one whole soul.